-30-

My diet and workout program is since a couple of weeks on the same level. I`m now much stronger than ever but the number on the scale isn`t moving and my belly is still enormous. I`ll start a different program tomorrow and adjust the diet in four weeks. Let`s see how for I can go.

-29-

Playing at the Family Day

The work organised a "Family Fun Day". This time at the office grounds. With crafting, VR games, bouncy castles and a small circus. All three of us enjoyed playing with diabolos which the circus put out at each of their breaks. We all want one now. At first we were awful but soon enough I could bounce it in the air and catch it again while Nero did some spinning trick. The wee one was happy when he figured out how not to lose it and showed a great deal of patience which I haven`t seen him have before. A Great Day for all of us.

-28-

I went today with my new trousers and my son to the gym and to the town. Nero has eaten raw poultry the day before and knocked himself to bed. The day was nice. The boy wanted some kind of old fashioned scale. We have looking all over town for it. Yet, it was plenty of fun.

-27-

Today, work was boring as usual. In the evening the dinner was served late my son was almost 3 hours late for bed. However, he is good companion. He was getting a book over to have it read to him and wanted to share the timer he was playing with.

When I said that children will get a present at the family day at work he was asking if the parent s would also getting presents. I told him that this wouldn`t be done usually. He stated that it would be fine as he could share his presents with us.

-26-

Finishing off work today. Somebody sent e in the last minute an external customer and went home right afterwards. I don`t get why people think they can get away with not doing their own jobs. I`ll have to sent it on but the answer will be more like an "oops" didn`t realise.

Ah well, hope we can fix the issue of the customer. He seemed to be a nice guy who was just annoyed by being passed around.

Same also with a co-worker who had a timely escalation but is looking for someone for tomorrow to finish it. Without team leader consent it wouldn`t be possible. Damn, I feel sorry for him but these are the rules and we all getting punished by not following them.

-25-

The bank has now the legal translation for the loan. Angela stated she forwarded it to the management. Now it is for us to wait.

-24-

I don`t really now what I shall write. I have sore muscles everywhere and it doesn`t really go away. Well, as long as the body still does it at the gym it doesn`t really matter. I remember last year when I fried my CNS. That feels awful. Your full body is on alert approximate a week, you are without any stamina nor strength, can`t really sleep well. I will be careful.

-23-

Today my son was upset. They have a sticker system at his school. If the children behave well they can get up to four stickers. He got only one because the teacher hat to leave early and a different one jumped in. Funny, that this can affect his feeling of honour that much.

Otherwise not much going on. Still waiting for the solicitor or bank to give green light for the house.

I could get a jersey of my hometown from their rugby team. I would be the first non-team member to be able to show colours. Cool Stuff.

-22-

Today, we went to Newry. I got for my son and myself "Alice in Wonderland". We got the inspiration from a rap battle between Dorothy and Alice. After I bought a small version of the book, my husband told me that the edition I was looking for was moved to the tills.

Well, then we have the cheaper made version now. Damn, wanted to have it as fancy as possible for cheap.

He also found some shoulder less, belly free top. He wants me to have me wearing that. I remarked my fat belly, hairy shoulders and age but he said it be for the bedroom to embarass me. That would turn him on. It was way to expensive for what it was but I told him that I have anyway to go to Primark next week.

-21-

Well, I have now the old diagnosis of Wehnen. There were already sexual orientation and identity mentioned but it was not part of the therapy. Futher wasn`t there an outcome or anything on this. However, my own fault, I guess. I could have pushed it in one direction or the other. Oh well, I reckon psychotic episodes aren`t helping such things.

Nero is living the mobile phone dream. Sexual RPG with other people. Well, not that I`m here or anything. Stating that he could be what he wants in these games. A well man, get your stuff straight. Don`t mind playing that stuff but not when I have nothing to do or if we have to do something. I don`t want to run a one woman show.

-20-

I have written to a member of the Pride committee at work. We have discussed the opportunity to change the preferred name at work. Apparently there was a case in Berlin in which a teammate was granted a name change. The member looked up the needed form which needs to be filled out. It seems that even our NT tags can be changed. She also asked if she would be allowed to forward the mail I sent her to another member to get more information. Using this approach at work seems easier than expected. It was some asking for a friend kind of deal.

Otherwise, I have gotten good tips for transitional clothing styles from someone online. I don`t want to hit someone over the head with my change but an androgynous style seems to be the weapon of choice here.

 Well, more of that tomorrow.

-19-

That was some long working day. Glad that it is finally over. However, Semifinal II of Eurovision and browsing the internet for nice clothing almost saved it. If I could only sleep. I fell asleep around 1:30. Four hours of recovery will have to do.

-18-

I went today to the Outcomers. This organisation is helping people from the LGTBQ community. Bernhardine took quite some of her time to explain all relevant actions for the begin of a transition. She also asked who my employer is and confirmed to have heard good things from him reputation wise.
She recommend if I`m sure to live as a woman before making any official approach to a psychologist. Also stated that psychologists shy away to confirm gender identity issues. I`m grateful to have met her.

-17-

Eurovision Semi-Final 1. Australia has taken the biscuit in campi perfection. I love that kind of kitsch. Otherwise a boring day. Glad that the Eurovision saved it.

-16-

Today was the birthday of my son,  years old. But he had also to go to school, poor him. Once he came out we tried to make the best of the day we could - with cinema, Mc Donald`s and presents. He also got a story at the end. He was in glee. Nero and I got also some time for ourselves while the wee man was at school. That is important for bonding. However, I`m tired now. Maybe I`ll write more tomorrow.

-15-

I went with my son to the Carlingford Leprechaun Hunt. The whole village was full of people looking for the gold of the leprechauns. The hunt is quiet similar as an Easter egg hunt.

My son got from a lady one pot because he was without one when she met us. He received a voucher for a gold (plated) coin and he is very proud of it.

But hell, you need endurance to search a whole village or those pots. That is one reason why we haven`t brought Nero with us. He cleaned the living room. It is much nicer now, good man.

-14-

Saturday evening and he has still not managed to clean the living room. He has no job and plenty of time but it seems that I have to do everything. I have to earn the money for the family. think about every organisational crap and reminder him about everything and look after the house.

I`m out. If he doesn`t want to do something I`ll just keep also my money. The evening he brought our son to bed and it took 90 minutes to come back. The same person who always says he wants to watch movies together. I`m just sitting and waiting to start something before I have to go to bed myself.

-13-

Today was a calm day. I was at work and also with no excitement afterwards. Well, not totally right I have spent some quality time with my son. We were playing some games and were watching music videos together. He wanted to watch "Have a nice day" from New World Order and then one good song followed the next. My son has a great taste for music.

-12-

Ok, now my penfriend knows it all. He is coll with that and interested. He is cool with that and interested. Now I have to find out if that stuff comes in phases, do I have a second personality or am I a woman. Why couldn`t I ask myself that stuff earlier? Why do I do some stuff always that late? Well, I need to get a doctor at some point, I guess.

-11-

Well, this was a day.

I didn`t do much but squatted 5 x 1 140 kg. I`m feeling powerful. I have also managed to drop the missing letter from the German solicitor to the Irish one. It all depends now on his approval for the translation and I could be a house owner.

We also went to organise a cake for the wee man`s birthday.

Everything could come together.

I have also started phase 2 of my diet earlier than expected. I`m ahead of my timeplan and now wanting to achieve 70 kg by end of the year.

-10-

My penfriend didn`t quite understand what I told him. He was like as long as your wife doesn`t have a strapon...
Well, she has and I don`t mind as I don`t feel much with my own cock anyway.

Well, I can`t blame him. He is the 2nd person I told/wrote to about my "issues" and I`m probable not trained enough to come out in full and directly.

-9-

I`ve opened myself toward a pen friend. He is now the 2nd person who knows about my recent psychological issues and also of my identity crisis. It is hard to tell a third party about it but hey he is a pen friend - the worst what could happen is that he stops writing. The man has his issues on his own and offered an open ear. Own fault if he gets shocked. However, let`s see how he reacts.

-8-

The car meeting was on again.

The wee one loved the old and custom cars and wanted to look at every engine which was on display. He made himself a mission to ask about the horsepower of all cars. I reckon that he had fun.

In the afternoon he wanted to go on the ferris wheel of the funfair which is in town. With excitement he was looking at every landmark he could remember.

I seemed to have a good day overall.

-7-

We went today and bought an epilator.  The thing needed several attempts and repetitions o deal with my breast but seems to be able to handle legs. But yes, it hurts a bit and I`m not sure how he behaves with some marks and bumps I have. I guess I will find out soon enough.

Nero can tell what he wants for the active part he is quite passive and without imagination. Well, he is also very tired in recent weeks as he spent every free second with that blasted mobile phone of his. I should kick him to work at some point to get a reason for being tired. I don`t like that his head is only somewhere else and with other people rather than his family.

-6-

Today our head of department wanted to have a meeting with me. He asked about progress on feedback. He was surprised that I have seen that on previously provided feedback and made it all about concerns of the group rather than my own. He put extra time in as he stated that he is concerned about me and my personal well being. Trying to tickle out a slipper.

I wasn`t prepared what that meeting was about but he was also not prepared of the direction I have taken in this meeting. I advised him as he asked if I`m not satisfied with the current situation and indicated that this would effect my work if I`m not satisfied. I have advised him that I`m not satisfied with the situation at work since 2 years but still did by times 23 % of all escalations which were received by the department, got every price or extra raise they had and worked on everything the department has to offer. That was the reason for my wish to move on.

He made some mistakes in his argumentation but would love to meet with me again whenever I would wish for. That I haven`t trust in that man doesn`t really let me look forward that option.

-5-

Today there were awesome news at the huddle at work. I`m now involved in two big projects. I can now approve CT`s for up to 1,000 USD. As many of the participants are in mentoring there is my moment to shine. But even better

There will be a new Fraud Ring workflow. The direction will go as proposed be me and I`m the representative from Dundalk. It seems that I can soon do what I love again and my job can become after 2 - 3 years fun again. I could also get exposure which could of actual value and my job will have a purpose! The others will have a chance to get also that feeling once the project becomes a success. For that I`ll work extra hard.

-4-

Today wasn`t much going on. Even at work was part of the system down. I haven`t shut my programs down and could still work. However, I have still used the downtime for an extra long break. But I get bored to quickly if nothing is going on.

I have seen my show this evening and read to my son part of Road to Oz which he very much enjoyed.

I also like that book. Frank L. Baum didn`t only had imagination but had a very clever and captivating syle of writing. I reckon I am going to read much more of him.

I don`t have more for the day.

-3-

Today, in the morning I went to the gym. I got a new record in Shoulder Press (50 kg). YEAH! My back squat is with 155 kg still very strong but I have to work on the proper form.

I have discovered an interesting Webcomic called Namesake. It picks up the fantasy worlds from old literature and describes what happens after 100 years.

Otherwise a regular day. Working, watching Emerald City, reading to my son.

I have a cosplay costume all prepared. Wig, dress, shoes and a basket for a proper Dorothy Gale. Dan, I love the shoes and that dress I have made. However, still looking it pulling off the next one.

I can see why shopping is fun for so many women.

-2-

Today Nero helped me with the back. It was freezing cold and she had here and there more ideas. I was freezing after 10 minutes. However, it went on for an hour. I went afterwards directly to get clothes on as fast as possible.

Well, most of the hair on back, shoulders, chest and the gentleman area are removed. That feels great. However, I can still see the black roots which isn`t great.

I`ll have to come up with something.

I have also sent a mail and a copy of my passport to Wehnen in order to to receive the documents they have about me to get in touch with the GP. I haven`t told Nero about the psychotic episodes I have had recently and don`t want to worry her too much . She has enough to deal with already.

1

My partner is very supportive. She went yesterday with me to buy underwear. Actually, it was her who got the idea to go into the store to get some. The underwear I got looks cute. I need somehow to lose a few more weight to pull it off. Since I`m now proud owner of bras and panties I was today looking for something to get rid of my bodyhair.

We went today to Newry for shopping. I got a cream. Well, actually I wanted just to do my shoulders but it began to make fun. My chest looks pale but with several of surviving hair patches. I hope that my partner will help me tomorrow. I still need the back done. Well, the front has be done with a razer anyway.

I will see to find a solution for the gym once I`m home there. Interesting times. Now, I`m watching Emerald City. Great Show.